I went for a run with the dogs and could hear Guns N Roses playing at Wrigley. Unreal.
The last time I saw them was at the Delta Center in Salt Lake with my brother Joe and his aid, Rod. Of course we got to sit in the handicapped section for one of the best concert views of my life. In more ways than one.
Before the show started, the camera of the Megatron was panning around to various people. Fat drunk bastards giving the “HELL YEAHHHHH” fist shake. Young couples going to what was likely their first heavy metal show, as well. And finally, a very attractive older woman (every woman was older than me at that age – I think I was maybe 10? 11?) with long dark hair. The crowd started to chirp as she noticed her newfound notariety on the screen.
She stood up and stepped out into the main aisle of the stands. Then she moved her hands underneath the front of her makeshift t-shirt top, made a few unseen gestures with her hands near her chest, then whipped her elbows up to show the underside of her bare chest. Two pairs of fingers covered her nipples.
She danced seductively as she kept her fingers tightly pressed for about 3-4 seconds – which for me it seemed to last about 3-4 eternities – and then sat back down. The stadium roared tremendously. Hooting and whistling popped around us randomly. The woman smiled as she walked back to her friend, tucking her shirt back down and making a gesture to her mouth with an open palm, as if to say “OMG I can’t believe I did that!”
I looked at Joe and Rod. They looked at each other. Rod said “Holy cow that was AMAZING!” Joe squawked in excitement. I felt kind of embarrassed, as I wasn’t yet old enough to know what had just happened or what was acceptable for me to do, so I smiled.
The Megatron camera panned around to a few other people. I no longer cared about what was on the screen, as my eyes were scanning for where the woman was sitting. I knew I had to find her. I don’t know why, but I knew I would.
And then the crowd started to roar one more time. The Megatron camera panned back over to the woman, who was being asked to leave by security. You could see each security guard motion their fingers, curling towards themselves with the authority of about $7.25 an hour.
Boos started showering down from the crowd at the security guards, as they kept asking the woman to stand up and come with them.
As she stood up and walked back out into the aisle, the crowd cheered for her again. She smiled, raised her hands outside and above each shoulder to form a human “Y”, then took a formal bow and began walking up the stairs in her high heels, with her reluctant and very disappointed friend.
I don’t remember a single song that Guns N Roses played that night.