Do you even Google, bruh?

“John” from an IT department in another city had a pressing question that required him to go through multiple channels of esteemed IT professionals, only to fall into my lap so that my immense experience could thrust into action and help this poor soul.


Hi, [Name of person who’s responsible for Mac IT in another city] gave your name to me as someone who might be able to help. I have a [VIP] who wants a Mac but needs Project and Visio. Do you have any suggestions?

Hi John. If a user needs Project and Visio they need to run Microsoft Windows, as I’m sure you know these pieces of software have not been ported to the Mac. A remote Virtual Machine would solve this problem.

I then go to Google and start searching for “MS Project Mac alternatives” and see a list of software that might help this person. Eh, there’s some software that might help, but whoever is requesting this Mac probably has no business owning one.

It’s common for a VIP at my work to want a Mac because, well, they look pretty and “important” people just love having a Mac with them.

Thanks.  I understand that, but a VM won’t work for this Officer and I know there are project and visio alternatives out there, just need to find the right ones that can export into Project and Visio themselves.

OK asshole. If your VIP needs to have this software, and you know it’s not available for the Mac, and if you know there are alternatives, what the fuck are you doing asking me? Do all IT managers have their abilities to do Google searches revoked?

I’m sorry, I thought you said they need Project and Visio.

Which is correct. I was so irritated with him I couldn’t help but splash this back at him. As in “Dude, you just told me your customer needs this software. I went and did a Google search for you, and now you’re shifting the goal posts.”

I’m unaware of any alternatives at this time.

A few minutes go by. He’s probably bitching to his coworkers about me not being helpful. I want to help this guy about as much as I want to help an ex-prostitute get hooked back on heroin. I can’t stand it when lazy people reach out to me for questions they could easily research themselves, in about a fraction of the time it takes me to have this conversation.


Fucking idiot.