Category: Your ad sucks

I can’t stand Yahoo news’ integrated clickbait ads.

She had nooooo idea?

Sexiest game ever? Come see my Skyrim mods and say that again.

Girls bent at the waist? Is this a new fetish?

News Anchor Jaw-Drop-a-Thon 2016

I finally found a legit ad between two pieces of bait:

I did a Google search for “Spire Mindfulness Tracker”. It’s just something you clip to your pants/bra/shirt that monitors your breathing and steps. iOS already can track your movement. MyFitnessPal can track so much more (for free!) and it doesn’t require some goofy clip-on gadget.

As of today, Margot Robbie is 25 years old. Does anyone care? No? Moving on.

Hi there. Big fan of tits. They’re amazing. But does this belong with a group of ads? Seems unprofessional (as much as it hurts me to say that).

Celebs who “came back 10 years younger”? So… time traveling is a thing now? Oh, oh, you’re doing a thing with mud baths and still claiming you can “shave years off of your life” simply by giving skin a good rough scrub.

Oh! Call of Duty! You’re hitting your gamer demographic! Too bad you couldn’t fit “compatibility” at the end of your sentence. “Xbox One Backwards” isn’t a thing.

Look people! Tits and the mention of embarrassment! Quick, click that ad so you can find out what was so embarrassing and maybe see some more cleavage! The foundation of advertising: Tits and embarrassment.

I get sex appeal with ads. It makes sense. Beautiful women sell ads for both men and women. MMORPGs are liked by both lots of men and women.

The “Dollar Shave Club” ad is OK because Dollar Shave Club, and likewise razor subscriptions, are hot right now. Though, the only person I know who shaves without shaving cream is Mac from the 1987 movie “Predator” (played by Bill Duke). The ad links to “try.dollarshaveclub.com” with URL variables that tell the website which ad linked to them and a reference to “greg”, “desk”, “desktop”, and “tab”. “Tab” I’m sure refers to the online company “taboola”, the author is “Greg”, and the browser is a “desktop” browser. Why did I go into so much detail on this ad? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (BTW the photo is not photoshopped)

“Nasty Tweets” are also popular thanks to late night TV shows like that one guy who used to fuck Sarah Silverman and is really mad at Matt Damon. But that’s all about celeb drama and I particularly don’t like celeb drama. Celebrities are usually dumb. I don’t like or respect dumb celebrities.

The biggest problem I have with this ad is the “Lost photos of History”. If you made an article and posted these photos that were supposedly “lost”, then they aren’t fucking lost anymore. You dip-shit! They are now recovered.

This was captured from the bottom of a pool of generic click-bait ads from pcmag.com. What caught my attention was the few ads surrounding it with pictures of a beautiful woman gasping and clasping at her bikini top with a caption like “You won’t believe these news bloopers! LOLOLOL” Then I noticed this disgruntled-looking man and the obviously photoshopped hand-on-application on the left side of the picture. But what made me chuckle to myself was that his headset was resting on his forehead. The look on his face is great. I’m wondering if, whatever is in the lower-right corner is supposed to be a PC monitor.

What ever he’s looking at will forever remain a mystery.